Gruel Hoax

Shhh! (Everyone will want one)

someone's been bugging my food

This morning I hunted around for my good pin-cut scottish oatmeal…no luck. I must have eaten all of what I brought back last summer. This means deploying a flashlight and getting down on my knees to peer into the dark undercabinet where the baked goods–sorry–the ingredients to make baked goods (and ‘bads’?)–all cower out of sight and out of mind.

Low is  good for spice storage since temperatures are significantly lower near the floor. But traditional (American)  kitchens feature a spice cupboard above the stove. Where heat will destroy all the aromatic volatile uh…esters? Oils?   Maybe it really was a ploy to sell more spices, huh? Like the refrigerators that all have the cooling elements (which generate considerable heat) underneath, so all that heat can percolate up, assuring a high electrical bill.  I wouldnt bring this up in a food blog but uh..fridges, food, electricity…they are all …connected.

Yah, real epicures store the stuff where they’ll never find it, except with a flashlight, and ten extra minutes to excavate…(NOT!)

I doubt ‘real epicures’  crawl around on the floor to get their spices and oatmeal.

What I found was one-minute instant Quaker Oats found at the Safeway skip in March 2007. Prying open the top, I noticed how weightless they seemed.  Over-processed.

My  ‘Thou Shalt Not Purchase Food” vow wavers at the thought of mush every day so tomorrow I pick up some California pin-cut oats. Smaller, less chewy than the Scottish ones…

My mush  did offer a (not unpleasant) surprise: puce colored (but not actual puces) flecks that were unlucky enough to be cooked into this batch of breakfast mush.  Charlie offered a wry  comment (no dish goes uncritiqued hereabouts) about building strong bodies thirteen ways, I made him document the occasion of Free Protein that Magically Appears in one’s carbohydrate supply.

Alchemy, in short.

“Your readers are not going to eat here you know” he warned.

“Maybe so. But so far no readers have BEEN here. So I think it’s OK. Then it occured to me that “flecks”  that proliferate also (rhymes with desiccate)…

On second thought, this could explain the Total Absence of Drop-In Dinner Guests over the last several years.


2 thoughts on “Gruel Hoax

  1. Pingback: The Lost Appetite Diet « Jacquie Phelan’s Weblog

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