Residues and Don’ts

AM-700 CoversMy contribution to the body of work known as Oops Cuisine has been published in Edinburgh. A book entitled the How Not To Cookbook is available here (in PDF form) or in book form by writing to jenny at Collective Gallery.

My helpful hints:
Here they are:

If you have got a shockingly short attention span, do not think that burning things has to be the norm. Buy a timer, one that you can not accidentally turn off when you put it in your pocket.

If you burn (“pyrolize” in chemistry parlance) oils, you’ve just created a goopy black carcinogen. Throw the whole thing away, or pay later on down the line.

Do not believe the use-by dates on all your food. They are put there by lawyers. Ordinary humans are much more resilient than the law would have you believe. Test results on self first, twenty four hours before fobbing off on family and friends.

This should be obvious, but never try an untried dish on a friend. And doubly so if it is in their kitchen.

Do not be afraid to blast something that seems off with some heat. It might be dragged back from over the edge.

Do not blend fat with liquid when making pastries. Flour must be cut with fat, then the liquids are blended in.

If you do not want to use a timer and do not want to have a disaster in the kitchen try the African technique. Take the food off the flame and place on a spot with a thick bit of felted wool fabric on the counter, then drape with a kitchen towel, your down jacket, a lap blanket or an old malleable cat that appreciates free warmth. The food will continue to cook but you will save fuel, energy and money.

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