Now Bring Us Our Figgy Pudding

Might as well share my ‘recipe’ (method anyway) while it’s still in my mind..

Two and a half cups milk (whole, half, threequarters, hell, even cream will be fine. Or yoghurt, buttermilk, sour milk)
Ok, 2.5 cups of White Stuff That Can Be Ascertained to be Dairy.
2 eggs, not hard-boiled . Always break one at a time into a separate little cup in case of scary pterodactyl or even scarier strange green-black swirls accompanying the contents.

(How’s your appetite so far?)

Blend those,
add a half cup sugar or melted down honey, and by the way old–antique–honey’s fine….
or the sirop of a can of fruit like peaches, pineapple, etc. Basically, dump somehting sweet in there. Ugh you might try succanat but that’s not my thing. Sugar scareth me not!

Scrub a dozen figs (sometimes there is a tiny bit of mould on the skin, it needs to be brushed off)– I use a dedicated cheese-and fruit scrubbing fingernail brush. Cut little stems off, eat separately for fiber content, or feed to compost, halve figs, dump in bowl.

Cut up lots of stale bread, none with garlic or onion in it…rye ok, sourdough excellent, etc, into cubes.
Fill mixing bowl with cubed ‘orphan’ bread then pour all other ingreds…
Shake in some cinnamon, drop or two of vanilla (I have a shaker of Portuguese style vanilla, it’s a white powder the likes of which I’ve never seen here in USA so of course I had to have it)
Raisins would be ok, grated lemon zest is great.
Juice of a lemon or two.

Rack brain for other possibly tasty things to put in…

Remember to pre-heat oven? No? Good, just set the dial to 350 -375…and read the paper, work on your laundry pile or something. The bread will gratefully soak up the dairy/egg mix. Soy milk would be fine too,it’s ‘white’ enough for this figgy pudding.

Let’s see what’s NOT acceptable.

Spackle.
White sauce.
Mayonnaise.

Still feel like cooking with JP?

Good, good…this is the place where I try to do something on the stove top and what’s in back (precariously perched cutting boards at clever angle of repose, oh sorry that’s in a friend’s kitchen not mine) falls directly into pan, thereby knocking the shaky metal brackets out of their housings, and sending most of the stovetop disaster that I’m trying to calmly create for a patient diner way down the hall in the living room…oh wait, I’m working on the figgy pudding, aren’t I? Not re-living the most recent culinary face-plant I’ve suffered in an unfamiliar kitchen…

Get a grip, JP!

But being off-camber is so entertaining.

Do you think people have the patience to slog through your cluttered mind just to get something they might be able to find on Epi-curious when they type in ‘figgy pudding’?

(self to better self: well…not all the people have the patience. But my ‘reader riders’ do. Oh, this is the food blog? What do I call you guys? “Dear Eaters”? OK, then.

Dear Eaters,
We’re almost pudding the pudding in the oven.
The bread’s beeen allowed to soak owing to ADD mental feature that prevents Self from Preheating Oven At An Appropriate Time. This does sometimes also manifest as : Preheat Oven, get distracted, go out for a ride, face inevitable “Waste Lecture” upon return, throw food into oven, put timer in pocket to ward off onther even more unthinkable Waste/Cooking Disaster (in which food is burnt, and I have to eat it because throwing food away is against my religion except that charred foods are carcinogenic and that’s bad luck, innit?)

Go type something for 45 minutes to an hour and a half…use timer and nose to make sure the thing’s not all jiggly in the middle.

It will have a fascinating light purple mottled hue.
It will taste like heaven and be guid for you.
You might try it yourself.
It’s love in a pan.

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